It was a bad idea from the start. Of course it was. “Minecraft,” first produced by the Swedish company Mojang Studios in 2011, started as a modest sandbox game where idle youths could while away their time mining wood, ore, and other materials to build whatever structures they wanted. There weren’t levels to “Minecraft,” nor any sort of quest to complete. It was, to borrow another critic’s phrase, a faffing-about simulator. The game was very popular, bolstered by its simple, cubic, pixelated aesthetic; it was a 3D version of an 8-Bit, NES-era game. A generation became addicted. It swelled and swelled. A tribe of YouTubers appeared, posting hundreds of hours of “Minecraft” gameplay video as they explored the fineries of mining, crafting, combining materials, and battling Endermen. As of this writing, “Minecraft” is the single best-selling video game of all time (it’s in second place if one combined every iteration of “Tetris” in their sales figures). These days, one cannot visit their child’s elementary school campus without seeing dozens of “Minecraft”-branded backpacks, water bottles, t-shirts, watches, shoes, etc. etc. etc. There are spinoff mayhem-based arcade games, TV shows, books, comics, and wax cylinders. The game has been a phenomenon at least as large as the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

So “A Minecraft Movie” was kind of inevitable. The “Minecraft” empire was slowly slumping toward theaters for years, and it has finally landed in the form of Jared Hess’ $150 million effects bonanza. What could be done with a “Minecraft” movie? Not much, it seems. Because the game is an open-ended sandbox, there isn’t anything traditionally cinematic that could be extracted from it. There is no final boss to fight, no protagonist with a story arc, no progressively harder levels. As such, Hess and his army of screenwriters (only five are credited) have taken the wisest possible route with their adaptation: “A Minecraft Movie” is a broad, slapstick farce without a hint of seriousness, reverence, or coolness. The most shocking thing? It’s not terrible. “A Minecraft Movie” comes to cinemas on [insert release date here].